March 9, 2014 Leave a comment
This winter has had its moments. That frosted berry tree thing? That was one. It was so pretty I had to pull over and take a photo. But mostly, aside from the frosted berry tree things and the raw white expanses of perfect, glittery snow, it's really been a nearly-permanent stretch of slush and devastation. And complete cerebral death.
But here we are, welcome to March. Spring is coming. And it's possible that Our Lady of Perpetual Brain Freeze will release her grip on my frozen and numb cranium and, along with blooming daffodils and hyacinths, I might actually experience something that resembles a thought again. Some day. Some Spring day. But since that day is not today, what you get, aside from ice-capped red berries, is yet another Random Hashtag Post.
You know how “#” now equals “hashtag?” Yeah, every time I see that, I think “pound.” So instead of most people's “hashtag-something” formulation, all of mine are “pound-something.”
Well, there you go. That's how my brain works.
One January morning, I think the only winter morning that was worth anything, this is the conversation which happened with @GreenwoodRed. He makes my mornings grand, even when I'm brain-dead with (a) morning and (b) what can only be termed “Seasonal Affective Disorder.”
I'm “working” on a children's book. It involves a salamander named Alexander (it's a popular name for salamanders, apparently; Google it). And I was talking about it with Red:
Red: Does Alexander have glasses? I feel like he has glasses.
Me: You're thinking of Harry Potter. Alexander is not a wizard boy. He does not have glasses. Because he is not Harry Potter.
Red: So, he probably has a sweater, right?
Me: You're thinking about the Chipmunks.
Red: Oh, c'mon, a sweater, with a little “A” on it. That'd be great.
Me: Dude, that's Alvin. What is it with you and the Chipmunks?
(a) The Gym. It used to be LA Fitness, which was better than Current Gym, Planet Fitness. For one thing, Planet Fitness is too Barney-Purple to be stood (or walked/biked/lifted) for long. But the biggest missed opportunity Planet Fitness has going (or rather, totally not freaking-going) is the lack of middle ground in front of its cardio machines. And actually, it's not so much middle ground: what the place desperately, desperately needs, is to take some of the treadmills and face them towards a wall. A blank wall. Or a wall with generic nature imagery (a beach, a waterfall, a forest). Anything other than brainless television (CNBC? Seriously? That's just crime and infomercials.I can't stand it!) and other machines. The best thing about walking/running on a treadmill is entering the zone; just you and space and thought/non-thought. And that can't happen at Planet Fitness. No, it sure can't. Because they have totally missed the opportunity for people to work out and think or not think. The only thing one can do at Planet Fitness is look at purple, watch Lifetime (gag), or check out the behinds of the folk ten inches in front of one. Missed opportunity here? A wall.
(b) Indiana Week in Review. It's a missed opportunity because it's time for an alternative to IWIR. We need some younger commenters and we also need less shouting and arguing. But no one is doing an alternative. And we need one. An alternative to Indiana Week in Review which does not include panelists whose husbands are current candidates for office or currently heads of any party. Missed opportunity= a political show for Indiana politics which lasts more than 30 minutes and includes both indoor voices and cogent, non-emotional conversation.
Speaking of missed opportunities, here in this current news atmosphere, the argument is between expanding the EITC (Earned Income Tax Credit) and raising the minimum wage (which is a dumb dichotomy: both are useful tools; this is an “and” not an “or”). But the tool I wish to goodness somebody (Rep. Camp?) would bring up is this: raise the federal individual standard deduction to the Federal Poverty Line. If you earn (from working) poverty level wages (roughly $11, 500 for an individual), you should keep it. Of course, with the caveat that social security and medicare taxes still apply.
But there, probably, lies the rub.
Still: simple solution and, as the conservatives desire, an incentive to work.
I've recently received a letter from my friendly neighborhood bailiff requesting my presence at court. For jury duty. I'm pretty excited at the chance to participate in my government and all. As an amateur medieval historian, I'm thrilled that I'm potentially continuing the whole Witangemot thing. But mostly, here are my (sorta) non-plans for jury duty:
(1) installing the (thunk-thunk) Law and Order noise on my phone. Or a keychain. Totes awesome for any point in anyone's testimony. (gink-gink/thunk-thunk). I'd be the belle of the bar…until that whole contempt of court thing.
(2) Similarly, installing both Benedict Cumberbatch as Sherlock saying “obviously” or Alan Rickman as Snape saying, also , “obviously” on my phone. Or a keychain. Useful in everyday conversations. But So! Handy! in a courtroom: “the defendant was driving a car…” (“obviously”) (“thunk-thunk”)
Belle. Of. The. Bar.
(3)Installing on phone the further sound effect of Arrested Development's “You're a Crook, Captain Hook; Tell me, shall we throw the book at the piii-i-rate…”). With the corresponding number of references to Maritime Law. Because that's a thing. Also, while on jury duty, emeraldorange.com will be known as “Bob Loblaw's Law Blog.”
(5) Further channeling 30Rock, I am to be called “the rural juror.” (“Obviously,” “thunk-thunk.”)
(6) There are an infinite number of ways one can bend, twist, and intone the phrase “Objection, your Honor.” I've practiced an awful lot of them. And I'm ready to go. That's all I'm saying. (Place the emphasis on “your,” Then place it on “Honor.” The possibilities here are
(7) “You can't handle the truth!” Also on keychain/iPhone.
(8) On second thought, I should have titled this section “Pound Everything I Know About Law I Learned From Tee Vee.”
Well, there you go. Hashtag (Pound) Bring on Spring. Because, as blog posts go, there's just gotta be better. I think, maybe, in April-ish. What Hashtags/Pounds have you got going? Let me know. (I love to hear from people.)