From the Sunday Indianapolis Star: “One by one, homes are sinking in subdivision.” No one understands why multiple homes are suddenly sinking into the ground but officials “believe water that has bubbled to the surface is playing a role…Nobody can explain why suddenly there is plentiful water atop the hill in a county with groundwater shortages.”
Where, you ask, is this unfortunate subdivision, this mysterious and inexplicable water?
Lakeport. In Lake County, California.
Yeah, I'm not touching Boston, Texas, ricin, China's earthquake, gun law reform, chained CPI, or immigration reform today.
I'm thinking about those things– and a host of others– but I'm not touching them in this post.
Welcome to Saturday. I'm, erm, percolating on a number of things and would rather not write until said things are fully, well, brewed.
So, what that leaves me with is random bits of the following (oh, you lucky three blog-readers, you):
#MadGEDSkills
The Indianapolis Star and the Washington Post, in an Associated Press article, on Monday, April 15, reported that some states are dropping the GED because the new, digital-based replacement in many states is too expensive and too onerous on test-takers than the previous paper-based GED. This may be a fair point. Those seeking the GED are, generally speaking, probably going to find the $140 fee for the new GED a little steep (at minimum wage, that would be 70-plus hours; difficult to manage when minimum wage keeps a person in American-style poverty). But on top of that, some of the test-takers are expressing concern with the computer-based format of the new GED. “You've got to learn how to type, use the computer, plus your GED. That's three things instead of just trying to focus all on your GED test,” said one test-taker, a mother of three.
Here's the thing: one could argue that the typing, the familiarity to use a computer to take the test– these actually are, now, skills that are themselves part of General Educational Attainment. At this point, you basically have to apply online at little computer kiosks for the most entry-level of entry-level positions at Target, Walmart, Kroger. Putting pen to paper is increasingly less useful in terms of getting a job, with or without a GED.
First-graders, second-graders are expected to be able to hunt-and-peck words on a keyboard. They can certainly answer test questions that don't come on pristine white sheets.
In some ways, it is completely appropriate that the GED is moving to an exclusively electronic format: it is a basic level skill, the ability to communicate by and navigate the medium. Maybe, arguably, you should not in this century and at this time, be able to earn a GED without being able to demonstrate a modicum of digital practical ability.
It's part of what should earn one the right to say one has a GED, if a GED is to have any meaning.
Now, that would include: incorporating basic computing skills into the GED curriculum (good god, is it really not?) and not charging extra or, say, more than a week's worth of minimum-wage pay for the actual test (though, maybe it should cost something so as to be worth something, but that's a different debate) just because it's not on paper.
Reading the article, in this strange tango between GED test takers, states, and the educational assessment industry, it's difficult to think the only people who are coming out ahead in the entire world of GED-ness aren't the inventors and peddlers of “alternative” tests. Because, earned digitally or on paper, a GED is necessary without being especially helpful in the long-term; the tests are not the point so much as the educational attainment and skills represented (again, a different debate)– but somehow, one can't help but feel, none of it matters in the face of the profits to be gained by the lower-priced alternatives developed by Educational Testing Services and CTB/McGraw-Hill.
#KidsTheseDays
“I hit him,” said the sixteen-year old, “because he was the closest teacher, and I was mad…I got in trouble yesterday for talking back…and wearing some jewelry. When I got home, my mom took away my Xbox, my Beats, and my cellphone…I was mad because all my stuff was taken away.”
The sixteen-year-old in question clocked a teacher in the face.
Well, in fairness, it does really, really suck when your mom takes away your $90 dollar headphones.
[Grimace.]
So…this was the same week in the greater Indianapolis area as a 15-year old torched a teacher's car and (AND!?!?) a ninth-grader punched another teacher's jaw so severely the recovery time is 6 weeks long.
But let us focus instead on teacher assessments and needing to attract the “best and brightest” in the need for educational reform.
After all, the responsibility for the entirety of the educational problems in the U.S. should clearly be laid at the feet of our teachers– but just the grossly inadequate ones.
Who may or may not be in need of dental work, reconstructive surgery, and/or a rental car.
(And seriously, $90 dollar-plus headphones? What the hell is your kid listening to that he needs costly sound- definition and noise-canceling technology? Please tell me it's at least news or really good music and not total crap. And if he's going to face-plant a teacher at the loss of them, please tell me that this year's birthday gift will be Anger Management Counseling. Or, what the hell, a circa-1989 Discman with $3 Radio Shack headphones. Maybe your kid's just got a little too much to lose. At 16. Headphones?)
#GrosslyNeeded
I propose a program, let's call it “PATCH.” This program would assist citizens applying for benefits (unemployment, SS Disability, VA, TANF, SNAP, housing assistance): it would help direct them to the correct benefit program based on need and eligibility and expedite the process when the need is severe.
I think of it as “Public Assistance to Coordinate Help.”
In my head, it would fill the “holes” between benefit programs and direct people in need to the programs that could actually assist them. It would help benefit workers (and people) by coordinating the various programs so people in need no longer fall between the cracks.
This should exist, but doesn't. Paging a state rep or senator, a grant program, or a fed rep…
People need help, sometimes immediately, and they're getting lost in a sprawling, confusing tangle of state and federal benefits, a wide and equally confounding array of agencies and acronyms. We'd be doing good deeds to assist them. We'd be saving money, labor, and time by directing them to correct programs effectively.
So why aren't we?
#SaveOurFarmland
Further, on domestic policy, I'm still concerned about all this farmland that's for sale, zoned “commercial.”
The flooding of the past week in the Midwest, the increased focus on climate change and “global weirding,” the fact that foreign countries have been spending their free time in the past 6 or so years purchasing acres in Illinois, Missouri, Indiana so as to have farmland in reserve…
I've written before about it, but I'm saying it again:
I do not think it's a good idea to sell off every spare inch of farmland. I do not think it's a great idea to not have farmland in reserve. Just because productivity per acre is high now does not necessarily mean it will be permanently so. And if productivity per acre falls (too much or too little water, bad weather, genetic adaptation, will of the gods, whatever), it might be good to have a couple acres of beautiful, fertile Indiana soil in the pocket and not, say, tied up in yet another strip mall or slab-based-if asthetically-pleasing and multi-roofed suburban housing division.
So can some trust or government or do-gooder purchase some of this beautiful farmland that's continually, daily put on the market for commercial use? And then just let it be? Just in case?
#HighMaintenance
I'm a fan of women, generally speaking. My god, I am one, myself. But.
Some of them are high-maintenance in ways that know no expression and surpass belief.
One of these was strikingly on display at the snack shop the other day.
Here is she, curly-haired, with Friend. She is buying the 85 cent bag of popcorn. She is not just walking away with it, as one would think she'd be doing. No.
She is stopping, at the end of the counter (impeding progress of anyone else, even if anyone else is holding their 32-ounce coffee and ready to fly past her, if only they could), to ask for a bowl. A free bowl. Or two.
Why?
So she can test out the various versions of free cheese powders on a handful of kernels before sprinkling these cheesy accoutrements on the entire 85-cent bag.
No hurry.
High maintenance women. Sheesh.
And then there's Cookie, as I called her. She came running, sprinting, back to the snack shop because her chocolate-chip walnut cookie wasn't hot when she ate it.
What?
It's Otis Spunkmeyer; the little rack says they're baked fresh daily, which they are. And Cookie raised hell in the snack shop because her cookie was not hot.
There was no sign, no slogan, no anything that should have implied to her that it might be or should be.
High Maintenance Woman.
Holding up all the rest of us god-fearing, black-coffee-drinking, non-cookie-eating people.
And getting multiple free cookies just so she would go away.
Ah, womanhood, what have you become?
Aspiration for Dummies:
“My ambition is the status quo.” Governor Mike Pence (R-IN)
Education for Dummies:
Indiana children are not required to attend public school until age 7, a problem with an easy solution, the proverbial low-hanging fruit. A bill to require kids to be in school or home-schooled if they are 5 at the time of the start of the school year is one that the Indiana Senate has declined to debate so far this year. Education for Dummies or Legislating for Dummies = Hoping Indiana Kids Are All Late Bloomers. (Read here for more.)
Science for Dummies:
“When a physician removes a child from a woman, that is the largest organ in a body. That’s a big thing. That’s a big surgery. You don’t have any organs in your body that are bigger than that.” State Representative Mary Sue McClurkin (R-Pelham) of Mississippi
Playing Fair for Dummies:
“You didn’t win but I did.” Christina Shaw, hairstylist and lottery winner, who told her co-workers that the tickets she purchased from all the workers’ contributions wasn’t lucky but the one she purchased for herself was. Who gets the 9.5 million dollars in winnings will now be up to the courts to decide because decency and camaraderie either weren’t present or just couldn’t overcome mindless, selfish greed. Perhaps Ms. Shaw didn’t attend school until she was 7, thereby missing the essential early days of kindergarten which include the lessons on How to Share, Why We Share, What is Sharing, and Only Bad Evil Monster-Trolls Don’t Like to Share.
Another letter suggested the United States use drones on the southern border to deter illegal crossings. An idea which follows the implentation of it by over 7 years: drones have been flying over the U.S.-Mexico border since 2005.
Legislative Opinion for Dummies:
Sunday, February 10, 2013:
Indiana teacher Diana Medley made herself mighty unpopular with mostly everyone when she said that gay kids have no purpose in life. Just goes to show Sunday’s a day of rest but not from unparalleled intolerant asshattery or terrifically bad press, depending on your point of view. Now, granted, teachers are private citizens and they have the same rights to freedom of thought and expression as the rest of us. But they also have the same responsibilities to face the consequences of those thoughts when they’re blathered into a live microphone wielded by a reporter. Unsurprisingly, her words have whipped up calls for Medley’s immediate and involuntary unemployment from her position as a special needs educator with the Northeast School Corporation in Sullivan County, Indiana (see also: Facebook page titled “Fire Diana Medley”).
So far the superintendent of the school corporation, Mark Baker, has expressed that he’s dismayed by Medley’s comments but no action has yet been taken to remove Medley from the classroom.
Perhaps in next week’s news, Ms. Medley will self-deport.
Monday, February 11, 2013: Edutainment!
The History Channel’s crack research team misspelled “seceded.” The misspelling looked humorously similar to “succeed,” which is probably not the word association you want evoked when you’re the History Channel and you’ve just failed on the one tiny bit of mild information about, you know, history, that you were trying to throw into your reality series.
In other news, Pope Benedict XVI announced he was resigning the throne of St. Peter at the end of February, prompting amusing bon mots like “guess he didn’t like the car” and “didn’t know the pope could give up being pope for Lent.” I love Twitter.
Related and interesting: Atlantic Monthly’s piece about the mass media at the time of last papal resignation in 1415.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013: Holiday, Cubed. Just Add Water.
Lincoln’s Birthday:
Mardi Gras: Some people ate, drank, and made merry. And then gave it up temporarily.
State of the Union (SOTU day is a holiday. You just read that online, which means it’s true.): President Barack Obama delivered his first State of the Union of his second term in a chamber chock-full of bipartisan bonhomie (this evident by the sartorial choices of members of Congress: lavender ties, pale blue shirts with red ties, or non-partisan ties in orange (my personal favorite and yet another reason to like Senator Chuck Schumer, D-NY), aqua, mint, and rose.
The full text of the speech is here. Wonkblog’s crack footnoting of the speech is here.
The 2013 SOTU speech, in my opinion, was Obama’s best yet, but then, it did contain about 80 percent of my personal policy wish-list. (Money for science and health research, lifting the minimum wage, attention to climate change, reforming the legal immigration system as well as addressing illegal immigration, repairing infrastructure, tax reform, Medicare/Medicaid reform done by changing payments instead of cutting benefits, etc.) It was lighter on foreign policy and aid for veterans than I would have liked, but I’m told that Ordinary Americans have short attention spans. The speech was an hour long and had greater density than a kitchen-table sized asteroid smacking into Russia (spoiler alert: that happened on Friday), so I’ll give it a pass for its absences since the content was otherwise so full.
On the topic of Ordinary Americans and the SOTU, however, a big, whomping “shame on you” to Chuck Todd, who tweeted this as the speech began: “@chucktodd: Am surprised POTUS is leading with deficit and sequester: if his audience is outside DC, then why not lead w/min.wage and or pre-k?” I tweeted back “@myrailey: @chucktodd Because those of us outside DC are grown-ups, too.”
Oh, Chuck Todd, if you keep up with condescending towards those of us outside the beltway, I’m going to be forced to remove you from the all-important List of Smart People at My Dream Dinner Party. And you don’t want that to happen, do you?
Just Add Water:
Senator Marco Rubio (R-FL) gave the official Republican response to the State of the Union. By which I actually mean “Marco Rubio drank some water.” This was followed in turn by the most exhilarating night of Twitter ever: “Somewhere in Louisiana, Bobby Jindal is laughing his ass off.” “Stay thirsty, my friends.” “He just went for the kiddie bottle of Poland Springs. I’m done.” “Looks like a drinking problem.” “Watergate.”
I love Twitter.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013:
Marco Rubio, in a lemonade moment of genius, decided to invest in water bottles.
Thursday, February 14, 2013:
Republicans in the Senate filibustered the confirmation of Chuck Hagel for secretary of defense. This was done partly to show that Tuesday night’s neckties were simply Tuesday night’s neckties and Symbolism is Dead.
“The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice.” Martin Luther King, Jr.
“Prolonged growth in income inequality undermines the basic American belief that hard work should pay off. Anyone who contributes to the nation's economic growth should reap the benefits of that growth. But for decades now, those benefits have been skewed in favor of the wealthiest members of society.” Elizabeth McNichol, of the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities; Indianapolis Star, “Report: Indiana's income gap is among the fastest-growing,” Maureen Groppe.
“A society is judged by how well it treats the least of its citizens, and using our resources to support families is not only a moral imperative, it is economically wise.” Shelli Yoder, who, at 43% of the vote, lost her bid for Indiana's 9th congressional district seat against the better-funded incumbent,Todd Young (R), but will hopefully run again in the next election.
President Obama “smiles when he misses [a basket]; when he makes one, he looks even more serious.” Michael Lewis, “Obama's Way,” Vanity Fair (another highly recommended read from earlier this year)
“Obama does not promise or threaten fundamental change. He personifies it. He is its product.” Dan Carpenter
“The president's campaign, if you will, focused on giving targeted groups a big gift.” Mitt Romney, considering the cause of his failed 2012 presidential bid. (Maybe it's just that the President's a better singer. No offense, Mr. Romney.)
“We've got to give our political organization a very serious proctology exam. We need to look everywhere.” Post-election Republican, erm, soul-searching by former Mississippi governor, Haley Barbour (R).
“Look, if you want voters to like you, the first thing you've got to do is to like them first. And it's certainly not helpful to tell voters that you think their votes were bought.” Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal (R) in reference to Mitt Romney's supposition that he lost because the President bought the votes of the young and minority populations.
“Teachers aren't against reform. They just don't like to be slapped around.” Jon Easter, on his Indy Democrat blog, speaking about Glenda Ritz' (D) election as the next State Superintendent of Public Instruction in Indiana.
“Educators now know in their hearts because of this election that they are respected members of their communities. When they talk, people respect their opinion.” Glenda Ritz
“Is it any worse…to leave a wounded man in battle than to have him return home and struggle alone?” Cpl. Aaron Mankin
“Our military and weapons prowess is a fantastic and perfectly weighted hammer, but that doesn't make every international problem a nail.” Rachel Maddow, Drift (Highly-recommended reading. I even added it to the Bookshelf.)
“Only an idiot would drive on the sidewalk to avoid a school bus.” Message printed on a sign a 32-year old Cleveland woman was sentenced to hold at an intersection for one hour on Tuesday, November 13 after she had, in fact, driven on the sidewalk to avoid a school bus.
In case you were under a rock today and hadn’t heard, Paul Ryan (R-WI) became the Chosen One today, the vice presidential pick for Team Romney. It’s just so exciting, isn’t it? Real News! On a Saturday! Not to take anything from the Iranians and their earthquake or the deaths by lightning strike in India, but ohmygosh, Mitt Romney has a running mate and it’s the physically fit, intellectual powerhouse from Wisconsin, House Representative Paul Ryan. The word of the day in the media is “energized:” the Romney campaign is energized, the Republican base is energized, the fiscal conservatives are energized. It’s almost as if the Romney campaign was lacking energy before or something.
Well, I know I’m breathless from all the excitement and coming up with something smart is going to be ridiculously difficult. Frankly, I’m just so excited and, well, teeming with energy, that I can’t really think straight. So I’m going to do a little P90X and then lay down in a hammock and try to calm down a bit. In the meantime, here’s the short list of highly-energized thoughts that have struck me in these few, electrifying hours since Paul Ryan was crowned the Republican Veep candidate.
The headline for today could also be “Mitt Romney Cedes Foreign Policy Issues in Presidential Race.” Sure, ever since the Republican Primary Show ended, Romney has been focused on the economy. His recent trip abroad was gaffe-filled and generally regarded as graceless, but “it’s the economy, stupid” and the polls show the 2012 candidates in a dead heat, so no big deal, one might say, if Romney puts most of his chips on the electoral kitchen table and talks almost exclusively about domestic issues, particularly the economy. Only, here’s the thing, international issues are still going to need debating. There’s governance to do after the election. That whole being-president thing doesn’t happen in an American vacuum. It might have been wise to choose a VP with some foreign policy credentials or some deeply respected positions on international issues. Instead, Mitt Romney chose Paul Ryan. Paul Ryan is also primarily known for domestic issues, specifically the budget, and also his abs. So, two things there: one, Mitt Romney today looked at the upcoming debates and said “Eurozone crisis? Iran? Israel? China? Global trade? Global climate change? Afghanistan, Pakistan, Egypt, Syria? Boy, I don’t know. Let’s talk about something else, like maybe the economy. And the economy. We could also just talk about the economy. The one here.” And two, Mitt Romney basically admitted to the American public that he’s concerned with winning the election and not the 4 to 8 years that follow it. You know, those 4 to 8 years when he might actually have to deal with the rest of the world, too.
The GOP is energized, which is good, if you’re a Republican. But this makes Paul Ryan an even more interesting choice for candidate Romney. It’s possible that instead of Ryan electrifying Romney, he’ll simply electrocute him. Ryan’s speech following the State of the Union didn’t make a case for Ryan’s charisma or excitement factor. But he’s been the fresh new thing for the Republicans for awhile, one of the bona fide rising stars of the party. Romney, well, his singing skills aren’t great, that whole “I like trees” thing was possibly one of his most entertaining moments on the campaign trail, and Bill Maher, whether fairly or no, has referred to him as “The World’s Least Interesting Man.” So maybe Romney-Ryan won’t be the Dynamic Duo, but, if you’re Romney, do you want to run the risk of being overshadowed by the light of the newest, freshest, fittest star of the Republican party? It’s a question I would have asked if I were running the campaign.
The upside of the Ryan pick, though, is this and I think it could be good for everyone: Choosing Ryan ensures that some substance will find its way into the conversation. There will be no way to avoid talking about the budget and taxes. This is to the good. Now, for Republicans, my guess is this is the big reason they chose him. After the last election and Palingate, there had to be a smart pick for this election. It’s nearly impossible to read or listen to anything about Ryan that doesn’t include the effusive use of “serious” and “intellectual.” That’s largely due to his budget. Hopefully, there will actually be a real discussion of what Americans want for the country and how we pay for what we want. That would be refreshing.
For Democrats, if they are able to accurately and concisely slice and dice that Ryan budget up so that a fourth-grader can understand it, the choice could be like Christmas morning came early for the Blues. Matt Miller has called Ryan’s budget a “path to nowhere.” Martin Wolf referred to it as “a political fantasyland” and then said about it “You can only say that this is a revolutionary proposal. It would mean the U.S. is going back to the sort of country it was in 1900.” So further discussion about Paul Ryan and his budget, if it’s intense and if the public will sit still for it, could electrify the Democrats, Independents, and anyone else who might not cotton to a taxidermic approach to Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security.
Well, it’s a big “if:” serious policy discussions are much less entertaining than “Uz-beki-beki-stan-stan.” They’re mind-numbing in comparison to scandals, snark, and gaffes. And in that spirit, you gotta hand it to Paul Ryan. He began his campaign to become the next vice president with a gaffe of his own. “I’ve some good news and I’ve got some bad news. Why don’t we get rid of the bad news first, okay? President Obama is the president of the United States. And the good news is, on November 6, he won’t be any longer.”
Oh, Mr. Ryan, I guarantee you, even if you and Mr. Romney win the election, Barack Obama will still be the president on November 6. See, he’s the president until the new one is inaugurated. But I know, big guy, it’s been a very exciting day. Probably best to get your first Highly Public Gaffe out of the way early.
Citizen Carson
U.S. Representative André Carson (D-IN-7) is a bit prone to controversy of late; most recently for his comments regarding education, innovation, and madrassas. While I admit Rep. Carson has an especial proclivity for placing one or both feet in the general vicinity of his oral region and I further admit that many in the Indianapolis suburban area are, anecdotally, less than keen on Mr. Carson, I wanted to take the opportunity to point out something small but meaningful that André Carson has done for his community.
On the south side of Indianapolis, near what is questionably termed “The Magnificent Mile,” Mr. Carson has adopted a median. Granted, it’s a patch of grass in the middle of Madison Avenue that is as brown and parched as everything else in this drought-ridden Hoosier summer, but still, I think the congressman deserves credit for an investment in the community—and the thoughtfulness that necessarily lay behind it.
He’s so often in Washington D.C. with his duties as House member and now he is busy with campaigning, of course, as he faces Carlos May (R) in the 2012 general election. But there’s something to be said for his adoption of a median: it expresses a connection to his community and the desire to take ownership of its welfare that I find, frankly, refreshing and a little touching.
It would probably be a very easy thing as a U.S. Representative to just go to Washington and worry about connecting with the voters and leave it there. The small gesture of adopting a median in an area where any attention and care is sorely needed says something really good about the man.
Granted, perhaps some campaign advisor suggested the move to elicit a reaction such as mine.
Still, I think well of it. Thank you, Representative Carson. Perhaps in the fall, when the rain hopefully returns, some wildflower seeds and spring bulbs could find their way to your adopted median on Madison Avenue. Or some ornamental trees. But you decide; it is, after all, your median.
If you ever wanted to know How to Adopt a Median around Indianapolis, Here You Go.
Readings du Jour pour Jeudi (or, in Indiana-speak, “Hey, y’all, here’s some stuff to read for Thursday. Like ‘soup of the day,’ only with words. And who the heck is ‘Judy’ anyways?”)
Associated Press. “Gov. Perry tells feds Texas won’t expand Medicaid, set up online service to shop for insurance,” Washington Post, July 9, 2012.
Carpenter, Dan. “Taxes, Daniels, denial,” Indianapolis Star, July 11, 2012.
Montgomery, Lori. “In 2009, Americans paid lowest tax rates in 30 years to federal government,” Washington Post, Thursday, July 12, 2012.
Schneider, Mary Beth. “Gregg criticizes Daniels’ surplus,” Indianapolis Star, Tuesday, July 10, 2012.
Something to Talk About
“To me the highlight of politics, frankly, is to inflict my opinion on someone else.” Richard Mourdock, Republican candidate to represent Indiana in the U.S. Senate
“Sure, I believe in American exceptionalism in the same way that the British believe in British exceptionalism and the Greeks believe in Greek exceptionalism.” Barack Obama
“The government of the United States is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion.” United States Treaty of Tripoli, signed into law by John Adams in 1797.
“I am going to eliminate every non-essential, expensive program that I can find, and that includes Obamacare.” Mitt Romney, who should probably be asked how he defines “essential” and then be asked for examples of programs, other than Obamacare, he’s thinking fit his definition of “non-essential.” The third question Mr. Romney should receive is “What if an essential program is also expensive?” The fourth question should be “What if the program is essential for some but not for all? Does the metric for ‘essential’ necessarily include ‘all-encompassing?’”
“Two Tums, two Advils, and a cup of coffee.” The perfect hangover cure, according to Liz Laughlin, as quoted in the Indianapolis Star.
“We have not inherited the earth from our ancestors. We have inherited it from our children.” Native American proverb
“We are a way for the cosmos to know itself.” Carl Sagan
Poll Position: Indianapolis
For those living in central Indiana who are concerned about the future of Indianapolis, the Indy Rezone initiative is looking for citizen input on what the future of Indianapolis should be. They have a poll on their webpage. Currently the question is “The zoning and redevelopment issue that should receive the most attention is…” Unfortunately, there is no “all of the above” choice or even the ability to choose more than one answer. Still, if you have an opinion and/or if you frequently lament that “no one’s listening to me,” here’s your chance to weigh in on the future of the Circle City. Vote here.
Lastly, the Jackassery Award for Fine Living Goes To…
Mr. Aaron Stefanski of Fort Wayne, Indiana, who thought life would be a dream if only he’d get drunk, tie his two kids to the hood of his car, and take a pleasure cruise around the neighborhood.
Awesome.
The Indianapolis Star reports that Mr. Stefanski “told officers he thought the children, ages 4-7, would enjoy the ride.”
Kids 4-7 enjoy many things, some harmful. That’s why they have parents.
Congratulations on your Supreme Asshattery, Mr. Stefanski. Bone-headed moves like this involving beloveds tied to cars haven’t been seen since Mitt Romney tied ol’ Seamus to the roof of his car. I guess if you wanna be rich, ya gotta act like the rich… Well, if you can dream it, you can do it!
Clown.
Chatterbox
“At the time when the president was sworn into office in January of 2009, economists of all stripes believed the baseline analysis was that the economy had shrunk in the fourth quarter of 2008 by about 3%. We now know through revisions of those statistics and analysis that the economy shrank by almost 9%. I mean, that’s Depression levels of shrinkage.” White House Press Secretary Jay Carney
“Yet if you look at a payroll tax extension, you can take a 500,000 dollar Wall Streeter who’s going to gain 2200 dollars from the holiday being extended. A minimum wage employee working a full year will gain $280. Now what kind of sense does that make?” David Stockman
“No matter how cynical you become, it’s never enough to keep up.” Lily Tomlin
“Leadership, by definition, means being out in front of your people when it is called for. It means standing up for the dignity of all your citizens and persuading your people to do the same.” Hillary Clinton
“Long before the recession hit, hard work stopped paying off for too many people.” President Obama
“Millionaires on food stamps are about as rare as petunias in January.” New York Times
“I believe it’s the will of the people to move towards a balanced budget amendment [to the Constitution].” Jon Huntsman (Not this person’s will: see item 4 here or just look at the financial issues constitutionally-bound balanced budget states have been having the past half-decade.)
“’I’m not a hero,’ he said. ‘A hero is a sandwich. I’m a paratrooper.’” President Obama, quoting Lt. Alvin Shell, in a speech at Fort Bragg marking the end of the Iraq War.
By the Numbers
6 Number of members of the Walton family (Wal-Mart empire) who, together, have the same amount of wealth as roughly 1/3 of Americans (ca. 93 million). (Sylvia Allegretto, UC Berkeley)
10 ½ Average age, in years, of cars on American roads, a record high. (PBS NewsHour)
70 Percent more food which will have to be grown by 2050 due to land degradation. About ¼ of all land on the planet is now considered highly degraded. (NPR; UN Food and Agriculture Organization)
441 Judges Indiana currently has serving on the bench. It needs 597 to adequately handle Indiana’s collective case load. (WFYI; Indiana 2010 Judicial Service Report)
200,000 Years the world has collectively spent playing Angry Birds, much of it in 2011. (CNN: Fareed Zakaria GPS)
280,000 The median net worth, yearly, in dollars, of a member of the U.S. House of Representatives in 1984. As of 2009, that number was $725,000. In 1984, the average American family had an annual net worth of $20,600. In 2009, that worth was $20,500. (PBS NewsHour; New York Times; Washington Post)
Two Trillion Dollar amount of repairs U.S. needs to its infrastructure. (American Society of Civil Engineers; CNN: Fareed Zakaria GPS)
Yakkity Yak
“So let me say on the record, any ad which quotes what I said on Sunday is a falsehood.” Newt Gingrich, trying to untangle his messy performance (“right-wing social engineering”) on Meet the Press, Sunday, 15 May 2011.
“I wouldn’t trust him to run a 7-Eleven…the bombast meter always has to be ratcheted down six levels.” David Brooks, about Newt Gingrich.
“…because [observing] the maneuvers of Newt’s campaign is kind of like observing the maneuvers of the Belgian Navy. It’s interesting, but it may not be that important. I don’t think he was ever going to be a candidate who was going to be elected.” Mike Murphy
“The federal government owns seventy percent of Utah, for example. There are federal buildings. If you need cash, let’s start liquidating.” Congressman Dennis Ross (R-FL) with the novel suggestion that solving the U.S. debt problem begins with selling off spare states.
“I will take my hands off Medicare when there is no Medicare. And then I will come and see you, sir.” Congressman Allen West (R-FL) to a constituent at a town hall meeting in Florida, 17 May 2011.
“Health insurance is not health care… Health insurance is a financial product. And it’s a defective financial product. Now we are compelled to purchase a defective product. That’s not what I had in mind.” Health care reform spokeswoman Donna Smith.
“I mean, we’ve built a system in which it’s more important to have a car that runs than to have a GED diploma in getting and keeping a job.” Lisa Margonelli
By the Numbers
4.5 Number of planets needed if the total global population consumed resources at the same levels as the U.S. (NPR, Sierra Club)
5.5 Percentage of expected increase in the price of dairy products this year. Meat prices are expected to rise 6-7 percent and clothing is expected to increase by 10-15 percent. (Indianapolis Star, U.S. Department of Agriculture)
9.22 Average rainfall in inches across Indiana in April, the rainiest on record since 1895. (Indianapolis Star)
9.4 Percent of income spent on gas by the bottom fifth of earners. The top fifth of earners spend 1.9% of their income on gas. (Indianapolis Star, Citi Investment Research Report)
4,254 Miles of water pipes in Indianapolis. Some of them are 130 years old. (Indianapolis Star)
330 Billion Dollars of outstanding tax revenue at the end of fiscal year 2010. (Government Accountability Office, MSNBC, Huffington Post)
The Art of the Ridiculous
I recently heard the suggestion that legislation no longer be named, that it be known only by its number. This idea seems so simple, so genius, so obvious that I can’t believe it’s not already the practice (oh, wait, this is the U.S. Congress…). After all, how is one to vote against something called “The Patriot Act” or “The Leave No Child Behind Act?” More importantly, how is the public supposed to know what the legislation really does or means when it’s given the false curtain of an equally false title? Especially when amendments are often added which have nothing to do with the basic, initial purpose of the bill. While this change wouldn’t provide more outright transparency to legislation, it would at least prevent the illusions and false (some would say deliberately misleading) impressions caused by the current standard of giving a totally uninformative, unrealistic, and generically jingoistic or idealistic title. Whether bills are named for the author or just numbered, it would be a really easy way to make the government just a little less ridiculous.
“The Removal of Propaganda from Law-I Heart America Act of 2011,” anyone?
Specificity is Highly Overrated
From the Indianapolis Star, 18 February 2011, “Historical sites will reopen to tourism Sunday. Archaeologists were cheered by the recovery of a rare statue of King Tut’s father stolen from the Cairo Museum.”
“King Tut’s father?”
King Tut’s father, Akhenaten, the so-called “heretic,” more historically important, and not terribly obscure, certainly not unknown pharaoh? That King Tut’s father?
But I suppose writing “Akhenaten, King Tut’s father” would have been too precise, too informative. Or is this the new practice in modern journalism: e.g. “Sasha and Malia’s father” or “President Clinton’s wife?” Mies van der Rohe said “God is in the details.” The colloquial usage seems to favor the devil in the details. But either way, the point is that the details are important and shouldn’t be dispensed with or overlooked.
America’s Newspapers: Sort Of Informing America One Sloppy, Lazy, Careless Sentence at a Time.
